The Continuum concept and fine dining

Today's cuppa: Fancy joining me for a brew of lemongrass tea?


In my late teens, I worked for a professional babysitting agency in Adelaide, South Australia. My jobs were mostly for new parents who wanted to leave their newborn babe with a complete stranger (me!!) and go out for dinner. As one mum said to me, ‘where’s the romance in dirty nappies?’

When my girls were babies they were constantly with me, ROMANCING in my arms ‘continuum’ style, and sleeping in the family bed. I took my role as a parent very seriously and simply would never have abandoned my girls by leaving them with a babysitter ~ regardless of whether that person was a stranger or my best friend.

I made meals with my girls in the front pack, and they sat in my lap or their dad’s as we ate our meals.

When I became a mum to two children under the age of two, I would pop them in bed beside each other and breastfeed them to sleep. Most nights we’d eat at the table first, but occasionally Paul and I would enjoy fine dining while the girls slept. By fine dining I mean we ordered Indian take-away. We would sit on the end of the family bed and eat our dinner by candle light to the soundtrack of our precious daughters’ breaths. It would never have occurred to me to leave a tiny baby sleeping in a room without an adult there. Parenting IS romantic, if we choose it to be so; if we allow ourselves to truly fall in love with the creations we’ve invited Earthside. It’s a very romantic journey if you don’t take your life partner for granted, and you take each day as a sacred opportunity to give thanks for all that you are and all that you have. If you make magic in your marriage you don’t need to go out to dinner and leave your babies behind. Absenting yourself from your baby won’t fix your marriage if it looks like Swiss cheese.

Our culture sees my attitude to parenting as completely over the top, but I simply followed my heart. I imagined what it would be like for a little baby to wake up and not have a familiar heart beat or face or smell or touch. I imaged how unstable her world would feel and how she’d have to cry or scream to be ‘heard’. So I never left my babies in situations where they would for one minute feel unsafe. Our night-time parenting is every bit as important as our visible daytime parenting.

But in all those years I never felt like I was sacrificing myself or my life. I willingly obeyed my heart’s calling and listened to the inner prompts which encouraged me to nurture, nourish and protect my babies.

Paul and I have never gone out to a restaurant without our daughters. We’ve never felt the need to. Last night, while eating at the world’s finest restaurant, the dining memories of our early parenting years came flooding back in a joyful rush. I remembered, with love, all the bedside dinners and how the gifts we give our children are truly priceless. We may not always see how important our presence is at the time, but if we simply trust in our children and ourselves we’ll never have cause to doubt our parenting.

My Continuum Concept ‘babies’ are big girls now. Bethany is 12 and Eliza is 10.

Last night they took us out to dinner. Where did we go? Nowhere and everywhere! Home and away…

Bethany transformed the dining table with a cloth and brought in flowers from the garden ~ bluebells, daffodils and twigs of eucalyptus. She brought to the table a candelabra with locally-made beeswax candles. With table set, she poured Elderflower Presse into her late Nana’s recycled wine glasses and then seated Paul and I. She serenaded us by playing Moon River on her violin. And Eliza, resident chef, brought in our first course ~ Greek Salad ~ abundant with rocket and other mixed baby green leaves, kalamata olives and cherry tomatoes in flaxseed oil and lemon dressing.

Bethany then played Für Elise on the piano as Eliza served us her vegan Moussaka (recipe in issue 29 of The Mother, July/August 2008). That girl is a genius with food!

I’ve been overwhelmed by gratitude for many, many things in my life lately, and last night was just one more example of the richness I find in my days. I keep asking myself, ‘how did I get so lucky?’

The Continuum Concept years haven’t ended. They’ve evolved. I don’t carry my daughters in my arms any more, and they now have their own beds, but Paul and I still carry them ‘energetically’ in how we live our lives.

Being present for our children ~ REALLY present ~ is one of the greatest gifts they’ll ever receive. Our children are sponges for love and affection. When we enjoy the opportunities which are always available, we find abundance dancing through every cell of our being. It’s an abundance you won’t find in a bank account. It’s a richness of heart.

Have a gorgeous week
~ Veronika ~

Tea Leaves

A reader of this blog asked me the other day what tea I’m drinking as I’ve not been mentioning it in my entries. Oooops! Sorry. I’m mostly drinking water at the moment with a slice of lemon and a spring of spearmint from the herb garden, but I still love my fennel tea by day and the occasional valerian tea before bed.

I have two baskets with an assortment of teas so I shall remember to scour them for something tasty to share in blogland. For now, though, I'm about to make a juice or two for my dinner..it goes beautifully with this hot weather. Mmm, carrot and celery and later apple with spearmint.

The ideal life

I was chatting on the phone to a friend down south the other day and asked her what her ideal life looked like. “YOURS!” she said. I laughed out loud. It’s funny how different other people’s lives look and also how sometimes it takes someone else’s view of our life to help us see it in a new light. My friend longed for a cottage in Cumbria.

Most people in our culture wouldn’t aspire to my life as it doesn’t represent the ‘currency’ valued in our society. I don’t have the fancy car, big fat mortgage, sizzling career, bi-lingual nanny and kids in independent school.

What I do have are two healthy and happy girls, a soul mate and best friend, and a work/life balance that few people ever achieve. I am writing these words by birdsong in the delicious heat of this glorious spring (early summer!). My little cottage, and the past nine years of what society would call ‘dead’ money by paying rent, has given me almost a decade of constant holiday in the heart of the countryside.

I am able to grow my own vegetables and herbs. Today as I walked around the garden I marvelled at the blueberry bushes, now in their 3rd year, absolutely heaving with baby berries. Ditto the gooseberries, strawberries, black currants, black berries, cherries, pears. ..and the plums and applies will yield a gorgeous crop too.

Here at the base of the Pennines I enjoy my life’s journey, a mere stepping stone in my soul’s evolution. I’m constantly aware of the blessed life I live and how very different things could have been had I made different choices along the path.

This amazing weather over the past week or so has seen us increase our daily three mile walk to two 3 mile walks a day. Together we marvel at the incredible beauty around us ~ birds, butterflies, bees, trees, baby rabbits, sunshine. This morning we walked through the woods, thick with bluebells, and down to the Eden river. People pay money to holiday in places like this and here it is on my doorstep 24/7.

I encourage my daughters to fully absorb the incredible power and energy in the earth, sky, sun and plant life around us. These days are precious. Eastern mystics tell us that ‘life is an illusion’. I’m loving this illusion and feeding off this Earth’s energy like a ravenous beggar. Daily, I’m nourishing myself with soul-food. And for that I give thanks. If that is what an ideal life looks like, then yes, I've got it!

Two million bananas????

I had the strangest experience the other day. I popped into a local village shop a few miles away and noticed that in the fruit and veg section, the only bananas on display were green ones. There were a dozen really ripe ones in a box on the floor to be thrown away. I couldn’t believe it!

I put them in my basket and when I went to pay for my goods the assistant said I couldn’t have them because they were rotten. “Er, no they are not. They’re ripe. Beautifully sweet in smoothies” I said. She was adamant that she’d take them away and get me some from the shelf. “Um, NO..they’re green. I don’t want them I want these”. She was beside herself.

A short time after leaving the shop I heard on the radio the ongoing debate about how much stuff Britons throw out each week. Among *our* rubbish were 2 million bananas. My bet is that most of those bananas COULD have been used…in smoothies, icecreams, cakes…all sorts of things!

Apparently we throw out a third of our food each week. Not in this house we don’t! I’m intrigued as to what people throw out and can only assume that it is processed stuff with use-by dates.

As my family’s diet relies on fresh fruit and vegetables there isn’t anything to throw out! We buy our seeds, nuts, etc., in bulk through Suma, the wholefood co-operative. Such things have quite a long shelf life so there’s no problem about getting through them.

I started buying organic food consistently about nine years ago. I do believe that, because organic stuff is more expensive than chemically grown food, I have an attitude of reverence for the meals we eat. I simply wouldn’t pay good money for food and then throw it out. I’m not that insane!

I’ve spent years growing vegetables and because I know how much time they take to grow, and the nurturing required to yield a good crop, again, I simply wouldn’t take any fruit or vegetable for granted.

The disposal mentality of our culture is widespread. We throw out food, nappies, formula milk tins…and the list goes on. We’ve a lot to learn from indigenous cultures about having an eco-consciousness.

Breastfeeding Awareness Week

Breastfeeding Awareness Week is with us ~ 11th – 17th May 2008

This week I’m speaking in Birmingham at a conference for breastfeeding experts. This year’s theme for the week is ‘every drop counts’.

We need to bear this in mind when people around suggest we wean before our child is ready.

I’d love to hear from you if you’re doing anything to promote breastfeeding awareness.

My freckles have names

The locals are dropping off like flies as the temperature here in Cumbria warms up to rather delicious standards for my body. I don’t use sun block and don’t use it on my children. Raised in Australia where the mantra is ‘slip, slop, slap’ to get everyone using sunblock, I was the eternal rebel.

For me, holistic sun protection is about recognising how important the sun is to the human body and not to be afraid of it. Sensible sun protection means gradually building up your exposure to the rays. It means using a hat or long sleeves or sitting in the shade.

We’ve been indoctrinated to see sun block as protection from the sun….it’s time we connect the dots and see that those countries which use it the most actually have the highest rates of skin cancer! Time to think again?

If you really want to protect your skin there are two key things you can do

[] avoid wearing sunglasses unless necessary (like driving into the sunset) as the brain receives a message that it is ‘dark’ and won’t send messages to your skin to ‘deal’ with the sun

[] avoid unnatural fats in your diet. Studies show that when we have fried foods this affects our skin’s ability to deal with the sun. stick to fresh raw foods as much as you can and avoid fried foods.

Compulsory vaccination for the UK ~ speak now to protect our children

Rumour has it that the government want to introduce compulsory vaccination in the UK.

All I can say is “not in my bloody lifetime!”

If you’re concerned by this Big Brother threat then I urge you to scour your back issues of The Mother and send copies of Joanna Karpasea-Jones’ vaccine articles to your local MP and get him off his butt to stop this nonsense!

Call for vaccine opt-out penalty

"Tough sanctions are being proposed for parents who refuse routine vaccinations, such as MMR." …as reported by BBC news yesterday.

Labour MP Mary Creagh said "children should have to prove they are vaccinated before they start school to improve uptake of MMR".Should we trust British politicians with our children's health:- ( I don’t!!!)

British Government's Reckless Disregard for Child Health SafetyThe Hannah Poling Case
autism and other health problems from vaccines for British childrenSir Sandy's medical contemporaries behind the Wakefield witchhuntStrong Evidence Vaccines Cause Autism - A Population Level Rechallenge in JapanRisk to Children & Government Scaremongering

Fundamental rights

I heard recently about someone saying that The Mother magazine is too fundamental. Darn right we are! She felt that The Continuum Concept wasn’t really practical for most people.

The in-arms phase

is fundamental

to our lifelong health and wellbeing.

Parents may be too selfish, ignorant or neglectful to parent in a continuum fashion, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t vital for the child. It is absolutely fundamental to them. As for practical, well, personally, I think that is just an excuse. So yes, I agree, The Mother magazine is fundamental. And there’s a reason for that: our children need ‘fundamental’ child rearing.

WAHM ~ what it means to me to be a work-at-home-mother

I knew that I wanted to be a writer long before I had children. In fact, I was a child myself when I made that decision. I was blessed to have a mother who stayed at home with her children for my entire childhood. It’s a gift which will stay with me for my lifetime. It’s something that I now consider so priceless I’m in awe of the life path she chose.

My mother was (still is!!) amazing. She ‘worked’ from dawn to way beyond dusk each day...not in a paid profession, but as a mother. She spent hours making us a beautiful home and a massive edible garden, growing a huge number of trees so we could be self-sufficient. We had olives, avocados, paypaya,figs, carob trees and all the fruit trees imaginable. My youngest brother’s placenta was buried under the pear tree, and boy, did that tree yield some incredible fruit!

She always learnt new skills and was able to build us amazing structures in the garden from wood; she made us a flying fox, and lovely doll houses, castles and so on. One of the things I most love about my childhood is that my mum actually WANTED to be with us…she played with us. We felt this genuine affection and care. I remember once we were all playing hide and seek in the garden (and the garden was a few acres so the ‘seeking’ bit of the game could take a while) and we just couldn’t find her anywhere! Turned out that she was under the upside down wheelbarrow! I remember at the time thinking my mum was a genius. Move over Einstein.

My mother sewed me gorgeous dresses and dolls. And yet, while blessing our lives with her talents and skills she also fulfilled her own needs by studying various philosophies and esoteric traditions. My mum would rise at about 4am and do yoga on the lawn, then meditate and squeeze fresh orange juice for all of us when we woke up. Our house was always clean and tidy. I don’t think she ever watched a daytime soap. In fact, she never just ‘sat’ in front of tv when it was on...nope, the ironing board was out, or clothes were mended.

My mum managed to do all this and look after a 700 acre property single-handedly. Having land in the Australian bush is no easy job. Bore pumps break down, horses get hurt, droughts cause damage, etc.

She was, in essence, a single mum who raised eight children. My dad worked overseas for months at a time…and was only ever home briefly. To me, she was a superwoman. From my mum I learnt that women can do ANYTHING.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to stay with my children too when I became a mother. In my childhood mind I figured that being a writer would enable me to ‘work’ and still be with my children especially if I ended up becoming a single mum or my husband died. The reality, as I’ve since found out, is that you can’t write when your children are around. Writing involves being able to follow through on a train of thought without being interrupted by “can I have this…can I have that…can we…” Writing, for me, is something to do when the house is clean, the children are asleep and there are NO distractions.

Bethany was six and Eliza was four when I began editing The Mother magazine. I’d written some children’s stories before that time and Cycle to the Moon (at night while they lay sleeping) but I had spent their early years as a stay at home mum ~ and unlike many mothers who claim they had to go back to work because motherhood was boring, I simply never found that. I thoroughly enjoyed their company and the little lasses always kept me on my toes…there was simply no room for boredom. We’ve always spent a lot of time going out for walks, first when we lived in New Zealand and Australia (where the weather is far friendlier!!) and for the past nine years here in the north of England.

I’d been lent a copy of Compleat Mother, a natural birth, pregnancy and breastfeeding magazine published out of Canada, which felt like ‘coming home’. It gave me a real sense of community when I first came to the UK. When the founder, Catherine Young, died of breast cancer, I felt moved to start a magazine to continue the light she’d held for many years. I’m pleased to say Compleat Mother is still going strong to this day.

The Mother magazine is an entity in its own right with a broader base of articles (covering health, education, finance, ecology, global citizenship, etc) but our ethos is similar.

Being a work at home mother is a completely different kettle of fish to being a stay at home mother. I simply couldn’t do what I’m doing now if I had little kids. I WOULDN’T do what I’m doing now if I had a baby or toddler. I feel it would be cruel to the mother-child bond. A blog reader asked me the other day why I never had more children. I get an enormous amount of satisfaction in ‘producing’ a magazine every two months…it’s like a little birth each time and I never fail to be excited when I pick another copy hot off the press. If I was to have another child I would no longer ‘work’ …whether on this magazine or writing books, doing talks, etc., while the child was young. Clearly I wouldn’t sit on the sofa all day (unless I was breastfeeding continuum-raised triplets!) ~ my in-arms baby would learn about my ‘work’ life from being with me in the garden or around the home or village or in town.

But my life as a magazine editor involves putting myself into the ‘artificial’ and unhealthy electromagnetic world of a computer onto a daily and regular basis. Although we don’t have broadband (and are probably the only house in the UK to still have dial up LOL and I certainly would never have wi-fi, the exposure of the computer isn’t something I’d inflict on a baby or child. As anyone who’s read The Drinks Are On Me will know, I’m very concerned about the rise in the number of women who NAK (nurse at keyboard) for this reason.

My girls are of an age where they disappear for hours on end doing their own projects and activities and playing with their friends in the village. It’s in those times that I ‘work’, or, more often than not, I wait until they’re asleep at night (that’s getting trickier now they’re older and protest at their ‘early’ bed time of 9pm ~ “but the sun hasn’t even set!”).

Life’s infinitely easier now that I’m no longer dealing with administration, publishing, mail outs etc…and for that I’m enormously grateful to The Art of Change for being partners in the business.

Working from home means I can spend all day in my PJs if I want (I don’t!). It means I can have a cup of fennel tea or piece of fruit when my body wants it, rather than a boss imposing eating and drinking times on me. It means I can hang the washing out when the sun makes an appearance. Working from home means that I can check emails while Eliza is cooking (she doesn’t like anyone in the kitchen while she’s creating) or Bethany is playing the violin or piano. It means I’m with my growing daughters full-time and we can enjoy long walks along the fields by the fell (hills) or dip into the woodland or picnic at the local stone circle. It means I can create my own working hours.

It also means my children don’t have to miss out on being able to ask me questions when the urge arises, or if they have other needs to be met.

Working from home means that my family and I can find a great work/life balance that works for all of us. My husband now works from home with me which means after all these years I have the space and time to actually write (and not just edit other people’s writing) as the girls have another parent available for when I’m not, and the same goes for when I need to pop away for a lecture/workshop.

I don’t regret the choices I made, and nor does my husband. I don’t pine for a career I could have had if I’d stayed in the media after giving birth. Actually, becoming a mother has completely opened my eyes to what a manipulative and bullying industry it can be.

I love the work I do and being in ‘ethical media’, but the bottom line is that my children come first. They know this. Both girls fully support me in my life’s work and recognise the importance of showing women and men how to empower themselves. Neither of them want me to stop what I am doing. For all the hours I spend on The Mother magazine and related projects, I think of myself first and foremost as a stay at home mother, rather than a working mother.

Every mother is a working mother, whether she chooses a career or not.

Namaste

~ Veronika ~

The Mother magazine

I’m heading off to Forest Row for a few days but wanted to share my new look website before I hopped on the train

The new design is courtesy of my lovely new web mistress, Karen Arnott. THANK YOU KAREN! It's great to have a feminine feel to it at last after six years.

http://www.themothermagazine.co.uk/

If you need web design, logos, brochures, baby announcement cards, flyers, corporate stationary, wedding stationary…have a look at Karen’s website:
www.arnottdesign.co.uk

Have a great week ~ and keep cuddling the kids! The cuddle you forget, or don't get around to giving today because you're too busy, can't be caught up on tomorrow.

~ Veronika ~

For

A few of my favourite things…apologies to Julie Andrews!

When women honour the newborn period and fully embrace their Babymoon ~ avoiding copious visitors, trips to supermarkets and sitting on the computer reading blogs and forums. I love it when mothers and fathers simply choose to BE with their baby and savour those rare, precious weeks instead of trying to keep pace with life and everyone else.

I hold holy and sacred those who practise love and respect in the marital relationship ~ where each partner reveres the other, and relates in a functionally-evolved way, rather than ‘reacting’ to things. I love it when I see soul mates that truly ‘get’ what a loving relationship involves.

I have the deepest respect and understanding for people who ‘own’ their anger/jealousy/frustration/discomfort/awkwardness and take responsibility for the feelings that course through their veins ~ rather than forcefully trying to ‘dump’ or ‘project’ their PAIN or GUILT on another person who is merely showing them what exists within them already. NOBODY on this planet has the power to make us feel something. We choose it!

I love it when parents value the uniqueness of childhood and don’t place it on the back burner behind what they perceive to be more important things like a career, public opinion, mortgage, 3 overseas holidays a year, 2 TVs in the house and a new conservatory. I am all FOR honouring that childhood comes first.

I am in awe of women and men who embrace change, no matter how darn scary or challenging, and allow themselves to grow into new, better and happier beings.

I am humbled when people recognise humans are designed to live in a ‘natural’ field, rather than an artificial electromagnetic one ~ and take steps to change their life.

I love people who are actively taking responsibility for their part on the planet ~ not just by doing the rote-induced reduce, re-use, recycle…but going way beyond that by simply saying ‘no’ to consumerism in all its disguises. I love that people are recognising that ‘less is more’ and we simply don’t need all the things our culture insists are vital to modern living.

I am completely FOR the pioneers and bioneers who are putting their heads above the parapet ~ for better or worse ~ and leading humans to a new consciousness. It’s no easy road they travel and only another pioneer could truly recognise the personal and professional sacrifices involved in acting out and speaking out.

I LOVE the people behind the scenes who never receive an MBA or community award ~ yet they’re doing great works for our world. I love the little known charities which bring hope and pleasure to many.

I am in awe of new life and one of my greatest pleasures is growing vegetables and trees from seed.

For every ‘for’, there is an ‘against’. For every ‘against’, there is a ‘for’. It only ever requires that we have the wisdom within to recognise both sides.

That’s duality. That’s life, folks!

Death by chocolate?

I had to laugh tonight when I heard a news report saying the researchers were seeking 150 women for an experiment: to eat chocolate each day for a year. Yep, I can see women racing up for that one.

The research is to find out if chocolate will reduce heart disease.

Five million adults in the UK suffer from cardiovascular disease. Studies show us that breastfeeding in infancy DRASTICALLY REDUCES the incidence of this in adulthood. As usual though, rather than promote something like that, our culture looks for a band aid.

But back to our ol’ friend chocolate. Many women I know seek comfort in chocolate. They pop the kids to bed at night and then look for their secret (or not so secret) stash and try to find the nurturing and nourishment they so desperately need. It’s symptomatic of the culture we live in ~ there’s no extended family or village to help us in our role of mothering and we’re left, not only holding the baby, supervising the other children and keeping house, but also running errands and meeting everyone else’s needs but our own. By the end of the day, most modern mothers are completely ‘spent’.

Personally, though I love the taste of a ‘good’ chocolate, my body isn’t keen on it. Chocolate keeps me awake all night ~ the caffeine in it affects me as strongly as coffee.

I thought that perhaps by moving to raw chocolate things might be different, but if anything, it was far worse. I had severe heart palpitations. It happened every time I had some. So, despite all the apparent health properties and claims about it being a superfood, chocolate is not a staple in my diet.

If you did hear the report about finding a link between chocolate and heart disease and think you might try eating it each day for a year, remember this ~ commercially produced chocolates contain sugar, fillers and an assortment of non-nutritive ingredients. There are, of course, ‘better’ brands on the market, like Booja Booja or Shazzie’s vegan raw chocolate, but for the most part, chocolate isn’t just chocolate.

In New Zealand there is a restaurant chain called Death by Chocolate. Clearly it’s meant to sound indulgent and fun, but perhaps there’s a certain amount of wisdom in it.

I can’t help but think that chocolate, like coffee, is perhaps meant for ceremonial purposes, or to ward off insects!, rather than to be taken as regularly as oxygen. Because, let's face it, chocolate on its own doesn't taste that fab without additives such as a sweetener, whether that be toxin-inducing white sugar, or virtuous agave syrup.

Our tortured teenagers

The media this week has been dominated by the desperate situation this country faces with the many teenagers who are dangerous and violent.

For me, the greatest tragedy lies in the fact that the commentators keep shouting out ‘jail, boot camp, the army’ with not one single person addressing the issue of how these teens became this way. The closest they get is saying the parents should be held accountable for their teen and learn to discipline them more!

I believe every human being is born ‘good’. Babies aren’t bad!

Next week I’m speaking in Brighton about Humanity’s evolutionary blueprint: BREASTFEEDING.

As humans, we are born expecting the breast at birth. We are born expecting to see our mother’s face constantly for at least nine months. We are born expecting to hear her heart beat constantly for at least nine months. This doesn’t happen if a babe is bottlefed and kept out of a mother’s constant body contact. When we don’t meet these very basic biological needs, the PAIN is with these kids for life. The symptoms are manifesting on our streets and in an overworked health care system.

In Britain, 200 000 kids are born each year who never even make it to their mother’s breast. They never receive colostrum (the first syrupy liquid from the breast at birth and for the first three or so days). Colostrum contains tryptophan which is vital for developing serotonin. The one thing all criminals, depressives and other perpetrators of violence have in common is a drastically reduced level of serotonin! Breastfeeding not only provides the ingredients our brains need for developing optimally, but it also provides us with mother love in a way that bottle feeding doesn’t. Studies show us over and over again that breastfed babies receive more love, pleasurable touch, eye contact and interaction than their bottlefed peers. No wonder we have mental health problems of epidemic proportions.

If we want a culture where we’re not scared of our kids (and, let’s be honest, teenagers ARE children) then we have to meet their biological expectations ~ quite simply, we have to stop abandoning our babies to bottles, dummies, car seats, cribs, day care centres, and bedrooms separate to their parent’s room. NONE OF THESE THINGS PROVIDE the physiological benefits of affectionate mother bonding.

Sending violent teenagers to bootcamp or the army reeks to me of ambulance at the bottom of the cliff mentality. As Jeannine Parvati Baker used to say: the wound reveals the cure.
What wound do these teens have? Let me tell you, the cure isn’t to be found in more violence and aggression.

life beyond this one

Another headline this week sits on the fact that food has gone up an average of £15 per week per family of four. These prices are based on staples such as milk (aggh, leave it for the baby calf to drink), thick white bread (aggggh, denatured wheat and chemicals which turn to glue in the digestive tract).

I was in my local town tonight, here in Cumbria, and the petrol forecourts were heaving with panic buyers in preparation for the oil refinery strike in Scotland. Many pumps were empty.

I don’t understand this about humans. We KNOW that our way of life is going to change…we KNOW oil is on the way out...but what are people doing, in their own lives, to prepare for this time of transition?

Ever noticed that the day before a public holiday that people go shopping and buy a month’s worth of food? How can you possibly starve to death in a couple of days? You can’t!

I am staggered that people rely so heavily on things like milk and bread. When the time comes for people to truly be self-sufficient I can’t help but wonder what will happen to us as a species. In our culture, we have no sense of co-operation or partnership ~ on a mass level, that is. Obviously there are many individuals who are preparing for the times to come and who are willing to work with others.

We can’t continue this ‘head in the sand/the oil depletion won’t affect me’ thing for that much longer. When things start hotting up, one thing’s for sure, THIS GOVERNMENT will not be here to help you. The politicians will only look after themselves.

This week I’d like to recommend a book called The Transition Handbook by Rob Hopkins ~ it’s about going from oil dependency to local resilience. Read it and find out how to make YOUR town a transition town. Don’t leave things till it is too late. Panic and fear won’t serve anyone. Embrace change, take little steps now…and empower yourself and your family into a new, ethical and realistic lifestyle.

Compensation for vaccine related autism...

Well, the UK government might still like to pretend that vaccines are perfectly safe, but...(read this!)

US Court awards compensation for vaccine-related autism

In a secret ruling that has only just come to light, the US Court of Federal Claims has conceded that the mercury-based preservative thimerosal, which was in vaccines until 2002, caused autism in the case of one child.

The ruling is one of 4,900 cases currently being considered for compensation payments, and it is feared by health officials that it could open the floodgates for even more claims.

It also appears to support the controversial findings of Dr Andrew Wakefield, who, in 1998, suggested a link between the vaccine and autism. (veronika's note: but he's still being hauled over the coals here in the UK!)

US Assistant Attorney General Peter Keisler's November ruling, was one of three test cases into the MMR-autism link that was being considered by a three-member panel. In his conclusion, Keisler said that "compensation is appropriate".

The case involved a child who, when she was 18 months old, received nine vaccinations in July 2000, two of which included thimerosal. Within days, the girl, who had previously been healthy, suddenly exhibited no response to verbal direction, loss of language skills, no eye contact, insomnia, incessant screaming, and arching. A diagnosis of autism was confirmed seven months later.

In its defense, the US government said the girl had a pre-existing mitochondrial disorder that was aggravated by the vaccine. The US court concluded that the MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine can cause autism.

(Source: The Huffington Post, February 25, 2008).

The metaphysical side of miscarriage

The following questions were asked in relation to comments in my last posting.

Can I ask a very personal question then Veronika? One you do not have to answer. Do you hold that your miscarriages were down to emotional imbalance in yourself? How do you live with that? Excuse my boldness. I speak as one miscarrier to another.

I see the four miscarriages I’ve had over the years as symbolic of where I was at those times in my life. I also see them differently than I did when the first one happened. The short answer to your question is ‘yes’. Today’s blog is the long answer to your question.

At 19, I became pregnant to someone I was in a steady relationship with ~ though it was definitely not planned (consciously). [I don’t believe any pregnancy is unplanned, though they may happen unconsciously].

My boyfriend was in University and the news of my pregnancy was, to him, like a death sentence. He was a ‘good’ Lutheran lad from a well-to-do family and had great plans for his career as a medical laboratory technician. He ‘demanded’ I have an abortion. I told him where to go. I’d been on the pill, but like my mum who’d conceived twice while on the contraceptive pill, it wasn’t fool proof. Thankfully, I also learnt quite early on not to continue putting synthetic chemicals and hormones into my body.

I was absolutely petrified of being a single mum at 19 (and clearly, 21 years later I am so glad I didn’t become a mother then ~ not in terms of age, but in terms of knowledge). I’d been living with my older sister who became a single mum at 24. I’d witnessed her journey and I looked after her child each night so she could go out to work. It was not a path I wanted for my child. Despite the fear, I knew I wouldn’t have killed my child simply because the father was worried about tainting his reputation. In hindsight, I see that I did contribute to the death in some way.

My baby died at about 13 weeks ~ the time people usually wait before telling others as the chances of miscarriage are very high in this first trimester. My baby ‘shrivelled up’ and died…and stayed in my womb. I see this as very symbolic of the child registering the emotions that I was feeling ~ the fear of being a mum and yet not wanting to ‘get rid’ of the baby ~ and also the rejection by the father. So my body ‘held on’ until such time as the surgeons dragged it out of my body. When I came out anaesthetic, I was crying my eyes out in desperation for my baby. The surgeon told me to shut up and said “don’t be stupid, the baby was dead anyway. There have been times in my life, like that moment, where I’ve really despised men for their incredible insensitivity.

The relationship continued for a couple more years by which time alcohol featured in my life a lot more. How’s that for emotional imbalance and dysfunction?!

My next pregnancy, at 21, was a real shock to my system, not to mention another complete surprise. How did that happen again? The months went by and my tummy grew bigger and bigger. Again, my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with ‘a baby’. I ended the relationship and moved interstate back to my home town when I was about six months pregnant. I’d obviously stopped drinking when I knew I was pregnant but by then the damage had been done. When I see pregnancy studies which say it is safe to drink ‘x’ amount a day/week during pregnancy, I cringe. Personally, I wouldn’t touch a drop now.

I hadn’t told my parents I was pregnant and really wasn’t sure how I’d break the news.

At some point though, I figured something wasn’t right. I’d wake in the morning to my tummy pulsating. And then I had blood in my knickers, but it was strange blood ~ unlike when you have your period.

Anyway, it turned out that my baby had died and the pregnancy was what is called a hydatafoid mole…essentially the baby grows into a tumour resembling a bunch of grapes and it just keeps growing. The blood loss I experienced was a ‘grape’ or several grapes breaking.

Again, I see the way the ‘death’ of the baby (miscarriage) happened as being a manifestation of what was happening in my life…the not wanting to ‘let go’ of the baby, but also being very scared of being a mother and telling my family.

I suppose in some ways, at a cellular level, I carried the shame of single motherhood that my mother had worn when she become a mum at 16. She was new to Australia, and could hardly speak English. The man she became pregnant to (the love of her life) abandoned her with the gift of money for an abortion. What is it with men??????

I have absolutely NO issues with single mums (though I believe the ideal for a baby is two loving parents) and yet I’m sure back then I had taken on some of my mum’s stuff. Her first baby was back in 1959…a very different world! Her greatest fear for her daughters was that they’d have babies outside of marriage. When I left home at 16, my mum’s words of advice were: don’t bleach your hair, don’t wear make-up and don’t get pregnant. Darn mum, sorry. I did all three!

My next two miscarriages happened within my marriage and I find it interesting how the ‘body’ of the baby just came away naturally as if having a period. The grief I felt was huge, don’t get me wrong ~ I REALLY ached ~ but the way my body released the baby so easily is very telling of how different I was, as a person, by then ~ and also that I was in the safety of a very loving marriage.

Why did I miscarry then? I don’t know. Although thrilled at the pregnancies, I’m sure the usual fears of ‘how will I cope with another child?’ permeated every cell of my being. It could have been that I was still busy nourishing two other young children and at some level didn’t feel ready to add to the brood.

One thing I feel very strongly about when it comes to miscarriage is that pregnancy is a co-creation ~ and that the soul choosing to incarnate may have gotten everything needed for its journey/evolution by having the opportunity to be in that body/in your body for just a few weeks.

We look at life in quite a strange way…that anything less than three score year and ten is a life cut short. I see pregnancy ~ no matter if for a few days or weeks or full-term ~ as a complete honour. It is a privilege to provide a temporary earthly home for an incarnating soul.

My miscarriages have shown me that the job of a mother, as the host body, is to offer the most optimal environment ~ and that HAS to include being emotionally balanced. The relationship we have with our partner ~ whether he is in our life or not ~ is an important part of that emotional balance. But even if he is clueless to his partner's needs, it doesn't mean a woman can't or shouldn't take 100% responsibility for the important role she is playing.

I still feel someone’s death or a miscarriage deeply, and often painfully ~ I feel that at an emotional level. When a friend phones to tell me she’s miscarried, it hurts deeply. I don't hurt for the baby ~ the soul has made its choice ~ I hurt for my friend and the grief she's going through.

At the spiritual level, I understand that everything is as it should be. That there is no right and wrong.

I also trust that if the ‘conditions’ were right in the womb, there would be no miscarriage. So what makes the right condition in a womb? And why do some babies survive in utero against all odds? I think that’s where the answers have to lie beyond the physical (i.e.) metaphysical. I also know, that if a soul is meant to incarnate on this Earth, nothing will stop it getting here! But let’s make every baby’s journey Earthside the best it can possibly be. We don’t need more Hitlers, Husseins or Mugabes in this world. Have a look at what these men had in common…and you’ll understand my passion for conscious conception, peaceful pregnancy, gentle birth, full-term breastfeeding and conscious parenting.

I’m passionate about encouraging ‘peaceful’ pregnancies. One of the things I’ve found so discouraging in our culture is this push for women to work throughout pregnancy. Culturally, we should be supporting women to use this sacred time as a natural sabbatical ~ to dream, create, sleep, be in nature, meditate, listen to beautiful music. Sadly, the ‘need’ for money or belief we never have enough, pushes women to listen to outside forces rather than their inner wisdom. Entire pregnancies are consumed with women working till the last possible moment because of the fear of not enough money.

So, to the question: how do I live with myself knowing that I ‘created’ my miscarriages? Like everything else in life...you can either spend your days regretting or learn from the experience. My husband and I have chosen not to have more children, but one thing we both know for sure is that if one ‘snuck’ through the net, so to speak, that baby would be welcomed 100% ..there’d be no worrying about how I’d cope or where we’d fit another babe into our life or any other niggly questions. I wouldn’t waste a single second ‘freaking out’ that I was pregnant. We both would be completely accepting and joyous and celebrate every second of the journey together.

I hope that answers your question, Libby.